ALERT: The "single and happy" tank has run out fuel!

It's 1 am and apart from the fact that I've been sleeping for about 4-5 hours, my break from the marathon of sleep is filled with thoughts of a missing factor.
This thought, feeling, space, whatever you choose to call it has been trending in my life for a few months now.
I realised how ashamed I am of it when I began hiding it from God in times of prayer and vulnerability. "How dare you feel like that Leeray, don't you know that God calls you to a life of contentment. "
This had been my coping mechanism for the longest while, until I felt like "screw it, I'm not particularly pleased with this area of my life God. Fix it or fix me"

Without taking away from the pruning in my time of singlehood, I really value the work that God has put in to mould and love on me, I can't even imagine what a horrible wife and mother I would've been had I married my then love of my life and walked the happily ever after journey with him.
Six and a half years later, I'm struggling to freely breathe in this space or even communicate it to God and those around me. I'm genuinely tired. 

Apart from having to deal and heal, I pretty much think the long haul of this here season is quite overdue and I'm so glad that I can say that without feeling as though I'm a thirsty, discontent, miserable single Christian young adult (gulp, I'm a flippen adult).

I started on a journey to chat to some mates about how they genuinely feel about their season of singlehood and my oh my did I find that many young ladies and gentlemen are gasping for air in that area of their lives.

So why the heck not say anything?  :-/

Well I'll tell you why, because we're plunged into a system that says "be content and wait on the Lord and all this shall be added" without the true teaching of how to deal with the frustration of desiring a life partner every waking day.
The longing for senseless laughter and stares into the eyes of the one you've chosen to do life with till the end of your days has been replaced by a very well preached out scripture that emphasises how we ought to devote our time and singlehood to the Lord and serve Him as best as we know how.
The priceless excitement of dressing up for date nights that will end in the realisation of just how badly you want to get married to this person because there simply aren't enough hours in the day to sit and marvel at the splendour that his/her personhood; have now been labelled as thirst indicators.
What's more tiring about this space, this season; is the pressure to be Ok with not having a life partner as yet.

Married friends and those in relationships will tell you, "wait on the Lord chom, he's on his way" when all I really want in that moment is a hug, or chocolate or even a few thousands of rands to indulge in some retail therapy.
This is not in a way a call for marriage applications but rather an admission of weakness and a risk of vulnerability about the fact that I'm tired of this season but mostly tired of the reaction from humans when you tell them you're tired.
I'm grateful to have friends with whom (most) I can be honest and afford me the platform to express my frustration and desire. As wonderful and exquisitely priceless the gift of friendship is, there are times of engagement and hanging out that cause me to travel to a land of terribly wishing that my person would be by my side giving his input on life, love and stupid things in those conversations.

The plea is not that my person rushes to me (which might I add, would be quite suitable right now), but rather that we create platforms in our friendships where we can genuinely be embraced in that part of our lives. Where we can come and cry about wanting a masculine hug without feeling like we're rushing God to bless us with Baes.
Jesus does a great job in embracing this part of my life, some days He has to do it for a good 24 hours because that's how long the consciousness of this season lingers around. He's ok with it, He tries to get me to think about other things, to pray for other people and sometimes even surprises me with gifts to remove the misery of the day.
Since opening up to Jesus about it, I've found such a relief and sense of normality about this singlehood season. I get to wrestle it out in His arms and cry as much as I want knowing that the comfort of His Word and Presence is my dwelling place. Quite frankly that's all I need, Him, His Word and His will (which I presume includes Mr man and a few babies to be perfect and pleasing).

I might be here for another day, month, or even year and in that time the last thing I need is a stigmatization of my lack of contentment being labelled as an ailment.
It's ok as a friend not to have answers, God does well with that area so relieve yourself of the pressure.
Just. Be. There.
Listen.
Hug.
Have tissues.
Be a safe space for our vulnerability.
Pray.
And Stop sending us to the quick fix sacred space of not minding the wait.

We're not weirdos, we're just in a weird space :). 

Signed: Leeray :)